I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
