One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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