I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
