I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
