why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
