i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
