There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
