The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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