i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
