We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
