Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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