Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The uberlube is also flammable
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
