I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
