too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
