You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
