the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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