they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
