what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
