no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
