you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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