Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Semen is not good for contacts.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
