the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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