i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
