When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
