look no pants
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
