i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
