The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
