hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did i walk over a car last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
