you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
