I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
