I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
