i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
