I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
