I wish my penis had an off switch
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
