Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
