you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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