I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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