I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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