i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
