No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
