I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
