This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
