i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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