turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
