there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
