Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
