I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
