I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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