haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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