who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
